"My Ballet Teacher Don't…"

March 2, 2015

This one’s for all you ballerina-hopefuls out there wrestling with spatula feet

Not all of us were endowed with arches so curved they’d make a banana jealous (le sigh)—and while having less-than-ideal feet isn’t a ballerina death sentence, we understand that the struggle is real.

That said, let’s set aside the Thera Bands, the tennis balls and the (somewhat-terrifying) foot-stretcher contraptions for a moment and have a good laugh. Because if there’s one way to ease a potentially sore subject, it’s humor.

You know we love a good ballet-inspired parody, especially one that brings us new, clever lyrics to the songs we already can’t seem to get out of our heads. So naturally, it’s about time we had a ballet parody to Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda.”

That’s where 15-year-old ballet student Clarissa May comes in. A couple weeks ago, she released her “Anaconda” parody, “My Ballet Teacher Don’t.” Instead of celebrating an obsession with…the bootay…Clarissa’s version focuses on a ballet teacher fixated on perfect arches—because her “ballet teacher don’t want none unless you got feet hun.”