"Dance Moms: Camouflaged Maneuvers" Recap

March 12, 2013

They see me rollin’…

Two hours of “Dance Moms”? Yippee! This extra-long episode gave us the chance to really draw out every story line—most of which were completely unnecessary. But a lot of good things happened, too. Here are my top AWESOME and AWKWARD moments from last night.

Pyramid time. Abby is actually pretty nice to the girls considering they all got second last week. Then she yells at the moms because apparently it’s their fault. Brooke’s on top of the pyramid. (Yay!) Chloe’s still suspended. (Boo!) Seriously, Abby? This is getting ridiculous.

Abby’s attempt to teach the girls life lessons with a hip-hop routine. Their group routine, “Don’t Ask. Just Tell” is based on the military’s defunct “don’t ask don’t tell” policy. As usual, Abby makes the background history of this dance way more complicated than it has to be. Not to mention how ironic it is that Abby is touting that everyone should be proud of who they are…Well maybe they would be if you stopped shooting them down all the time, Abby.

Mackenzie hurts her foot. Nooooooooo! After a trip to the hospital, we find out that it’s not broken, but it is sprained. No dancing for Little Mac this week. Mom Kelly and Mom Christi think she’s faking, and they decide it’s worth their time to gang up on an 8 year old. She has a doctor’s note, people. Let it go. Apparently Mac was doing cartwheels backstage, but when they show the footage, she was clearly keeping off her injured foot. Still, it’s an excellent excuse for Abby to interrogate everyone and make Mackenzie cry. Oy. At least she looks cute in her wheelchair.

Is that Maddie? Nope. It’s just Kendall looking fabulous.

The fun, hard-hitting group dance. I know, I know, these kids are not great at hip hop, but I still loved this dance. And I have to give Abby credit for pushing them out of their comfort zones. (That’s how you get better, kids.) And gotta love the fact that Mom Christi is videotaping from the audience—as if she’s not going to buy “Dance Moms: Season 3″ when it comes out on DVD.

All the solos this week. Brooke is an acro pro, Kendall gets better by the day and Maddie is her usual stellar self with a touch of jazz. Nobody gets first place, but I’m still proud.

(I can’t decide!) Abby’s date. Yes, I spent the whole thing wanting to cover my eyes. But it was like a car crash: I couldn’t look away! Apparently, after she left speed dating last week, Abby met a guy at a gas station. This guy pumped her gas, asked her out and agreed to have cameras capture their romantic evening. What a catch! Date Louie arrives wearing a bow tie, and Abby calls him petite. I giggle. Apparently, he’s rented a whole restaurant for just the two of them—and the camera crew. Abby laughs a lot (generally with food in her mouth), but I’m not sure Louie is ever actually trying to be funny. They talk about how they’re both writing books. (Wait, Abby’s writing a book!? Where can I pre-order my copy?) A little more about Louie: He has 12 favorite words and used to be a male stripper. I mentioned that this guy’s a catch, right?

And now, the QUOTES OF THE WEEK (two hours=two quotes):

“We’re a bunch of middle-aged women lunging for a bouquet. Someone could break a hip!” —Mom Christi on planning Mom Melissa’s wedding

“I don’t sweat. I glisten.” —Abby Lee Miller on why she doesn’t wear deodorant

That’s all for this week. Tune in next week for another fun-filled two-hour episode!