“Dance Moms: Liar Liar Dance Mom on Fire!” Recap

January 22, 2013

I know this show is called “Dance Moms,” but there’s nothing that upsets me more than an entire episode (like last night’s) focusing mainly on the moms being annoying. Silver lining: Mackenzie got a solo. Here are my top three AWESOME and oh-so-AWKWARD moments from the latest drama-filled installment.

The ridiculous process of casting the group routine “Voyage Home.” First, Abby announces that Brooke and Mackenzie are not in the dance. Brooke doesn’t really seem to care about not dancing (after all, she’s having a really good hair day). But the fact that Mac is being punished for working with a faulty prop last week hurts my soul. Sophia’s still in the dance even though she’s missing all the rehearsals for it. Wait, how is Sophia supposed to learn this routine again? It doesn’t matter because she doesn’t show up for the competition anyway. I guess it all falls on Kendall to change up the formations on stage. That’s good, because she never crumbles under pressure…

This group dance was supposed to be serious, teaching the girls about history and immigration, but then Abby clearly has no idea what immigration actually is, and instead explains that they’re basically dirty travelers from nowhere in particular going home. OK…Good thing the girls have some serious acting chops and were able to pull this thing together with very little background info. It was actually a beautiful piece. And sorry Brooke and Mac, I have to admit, it does look nice that the dancers were all relatively the same height. Abby says Kendall messed everything up, but I didn’t notice her mistake. And then they win first place overall. So take that, Abby.

Obviously Mom Melissa is not pleased about Maddie being downgraded to a duet, especially one with Kendall, who—while she’s a great little dancer—is not on the same level as Maddie at all. So Abby gets Melissa to admit she’s upset, then tells Mom Jill all about it. So the moms go at it over who lied the most. The best part is: Every single mom who recounted this conversation definitely lied about it. It’s as if they forget that everything they say is being filmed for national television. I wish they would just be able to re-watch old footage while taping. Then we could settle these arguments a lot more quickly and get back to the kiddos.

Maddie and Kendall’s duet “Sugar and Spice.” Even though this routine is way too easy for Maddie, and Kendall gets so many corrections it seems inevitable she’ll mess up onstage, the girls totally pulled it off. What a cute number! And Kendall looked pretty darn good. First place!

The moms are going through Abby’s garage to find old dance stuff. Christi thinks she’s going to get scabies—but really there are only mice lurking behind all the boxes. Then they find weird photos of Abby with a black eye. Didn’t think that plot twist through, did you, Abby? Next week you’ll have to find a different way to put the moms to work in exchange for them giving you money. Wait, what?

The two solos! Mackenzie’s routine is called “Lemonade,” and she proves that she can even spell l-e-m-o-n-a-d-e. She’s a child genius, ladies and gentleman! She was amazing onstage, and, as usual, that kissy face just kills me. Paige also rocked the stage this week with her solo, “I Wanna Dance.” I’d actually forgotten what Paige’s dancing looked like, since I think it’s been over a year since she actually did any on this show. With Maddie, Chloe and newcomer Sophia not competing solos, Paige gets the opportunity to really shine. And she surprised me! Nice going, Paige.

So what have we learned here today? The kids, in general, are AWESOME. The grown ups, however, make everything AWKWARD.

And now—the moment you’ve all been waiting for—the QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

“I don’t wake up amazing. It takes me hours to get this way!” —Abby

At least she’s modest.

Tune in next week for another episode and another recap. And don’t forget to let me know what you think!