"Dance Moms: (You've Been Unfriended)" Recap

February 19, 2013

These costumes are made of money. Literally.

After the epic meltdown that was last week, I was a little nervous for the latest “Dance Moms” episode. But things generally went pretty well: Chloe and Mom Christi came back, Maddie was back at the top of the pyramid and all things seemed right in the world of ALDC. Of course, that never lasts long. Here are my top three AWESOME and AWKWARD moments from last night’s show.

Everybody will be in group dance “Money is the Root of All Evil” (even Mackenzie!). There’s real money shoved into the crevices of these costumes, because that will definitely be seen from stage (<– sarcasm font). Heaven forbid they just make photocopies of real money or use Monopoly money. “I’m not so sure this is a good use of money,” says genius Mom Jill. You think? Anyway, back to the awesomeness: This dance was spectacular. I know I always say that, but this one really showed off the girls as solid dancers and stellar actresses. And, I have to admit, the costumes looked great. First place, baby!

Abby’s attempt to “get back” at Chloe by not using her real name. She just refers to Chloe as “you” or “Blondie.” Ugh. It’s not even Chloe she’s mad at; it’s Mom Christi. Abby acting like a sixth-grade child makes Chloe cry—because Chloe is actually a sixth-grade child. Well done, Abby.

 Remember last week when I fell in love with Nia? My love has tripled. So Nia apparently decides all by herself to stand up to Abby and ask for her duet with Paige back. You go girl! Abby says maybe, which is the best response a kid could ask for. She comes around in the end, and the girls get to dance their duet, “The Wild Child and the Wallflower.” What a perfect cutesy routine for these two. Abby’s grinning in the audience, and so am I.

Now that’s the Brooke we know and love!

Brooke gets a solo. Well this hasn’t happened in a while. Mom Kelly is mad for some reason right off the bat, but Brooke pretty much kicks butt. There’s definitely a maturity in her dancing that I don’t remember seeing before. And for all the haters (like me) who thought Brooke didn’t care about dancing anymore (hence the title of her solo, “Care Less”), she proves us wrong. She likes to dance, people! She actually likes it!

These moms are really getting on my last nerve. For once in this entire zany season, Abby comes back to the dressing room post-competition in high spirits. She tells EVERYONE they did a good job (that never happens!) and smiles as she leaves. I’m ready to change the channel…but the moms just won’t have it end like that. Let the fighting begin. The big feud is between Mom Kelly and Mom Christi, but no one really understands what they’re fighting about. I think it’s something like: Christi’s mad that Kelly didn’t call, but Kelly did call, but Kelly shouldn’t have to call, but Kelly should’ve just come to Christi’s house, but Kelly’s a bad friend, but Christi’s a bad friend, too. Moral of this story? Who cares.

The previews for next week’s show. Abby’s dog Broadway Baby dies, and I can’t even handle looking at Abby’s face when she’s that sad. If things are crazy dysfunctional when Abby’s in a good mood, I can’t imagine what will go down when she’s in mourning. I’m uncomfortable already.

And last but not least, the QUOTE OF THE WEEK:

“I want to walk back into that studio like I want a stiletto jammed in my eyeball.” —Mom Christi

With that pleasant mental image, I leave you until next week. Don’t forget to let me know what you thought of the episode in the comments!