"Dancing with the Stars" Recap: Season 12, Elimination 7

[There are times when our unedited notes from the “Dancing With the Stars” results show tell the story better than our usual blog post ever could. And thus, without further ado, we present the stream-of-consciousness recap.]

Our dad calls Tom Bergeron “Tom Burgers-on.” For some reason we find that remarkably apt.

DanceCenter–soooo over it. Also, royal wedding jokes stopped being funny about five minutes after the wedding itself was over.

MAKS WAS ON “THE BACHELOR” IN UKRAINE??? PLEASE TELL US THIS IS REAL. [It totally is.]

OK, we do love their face bling. And we do hope Romeo is indeed a member of the Celine Dion fan club.

Here’s the man of the hour: Michael Bolton!! Eee! And Delta somebody [Goodrem] from Australia. Should we know who she is? She looks like SNL’s Kristen Wiig, which makes it strangely difficult for us to take her seriously.

Dmitri and Anna! We miss you! Preeetttyyyy.

Seriously, we have a big ol’ crush on Mr. Bolton. And we are not ashamed.

The Tuita family!! HEFA!!!!! Cue some legit tears as we hear his backstory. We’re so glad he and his bros got to show off their ballroom skills–the very skills that landed Hefa his breakthrough gig with J. Lo. (And hey there, Abreá Delgrosso!).

Here’s Delta Good…?[rem] again, singing a song she’s never heard of to cover for the under-the-weather Adele. OK, we like you, Not Kristin Wiig. Even if we don’t understand how you’ve never been subjected to Carole King’s “Natural Woman” before.

Louis and Cheryl! More people we miss.

DanceCenter again. Ugh, you guys. Points for “Ralph ‘Sweep the Leg‘ Macchio,” though.

Adele’s making her promised appearance now, seeming to be feeling better. Obsessed with her dress, and she sounds amazing. We need to get ON downloading her new album. Lots of familiar faces in the Travis Wall-choreographed routine–Nick Lazzarini! Jaimie Goodwin! Travis himself! Pretty standard rock-em-sock-em TWall choreo, though. No surprises here.

Romeo is going home, which is about right. But aww, we’re sad he didn’t get to dance at his own prom (particularly after watching the prom episode of “Glee” like, immediately before catching “DWTS” on DVR). Poor lil’ guy!

Hoping the Karate Kid, who looked equal parts relieved and terrified when they announced he was safe, can hold it together for another couple of weeks. We’re pulling for him, and for our girl Kirstie.

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